It is a very rare Monday when I don’t find myself in the office.Yesterday was Amy’s birthday and I happened not to have any appointments during the day, so I saw it as an opportunity to enjoy some time with my bride.We’ve reached that stage in marriage where we don’t need some exciting, centralized activity to make our togetherness valuable.She is valuable to me and I had a great day holding her hand in the mall, eating a breakfast bagel with her along with coffee and orange juice and then herding two very rambunctious children to a local eatery for a birthday supper.It was a great Monday.
Risking some transparency with you, however, I want to write that I felt sin crouching at the door all day yesterday (Genesis 4:7).I told Amy how weary I was of the large storefront ads in the mall of women wearing next to nothing. Forty years ago there would have been a boycott of stores showing those kinds of ads. She and I have talked about how it will be when it comes time to train our boy in how to fight the natural impulses to want to view the forbidden.Sin has pounced for generations and Landon's future will not be exempt. At the restaurant that evening I saw a well dressed businessman sitting at the bar enjoying a beer;when I felt the long-dormant impulse to consider whether or not I would ever enjoy a beer again, I was troubled because – as most of you know – alcohol ruined me from age fourteen unto twenty-four. Later, we went to a local electronics store to see about picking up a laptop for one of Meadow’s staff members.All around me were shiny, expensive things screaming out that they would make me happier if I bought them.Sin had gone from crouching at the door to pounding its fist and wanting to come inside.
Looking back this morning, I realized that part of the equation was that I was physically exhausted.I arose Sunday at 3:30 AM and worked non-stop until 10:00 PM at the church in order to have a clear shot at not being backlogged with work when I came back in to the office today.My body and mind were tired and I did not have the continuity of a rested spirit, body and intellect.Sin (as a very real force) is more powerful in its sway when we are not rested inwardly or physically.God’s grace, no doubt, is sufficient but I still tremble at the fact that my mind can acknowledge something as being wrong while some misaligned part of me desires to have it.The reality of Romans 7:15-24 still occasionally exists and I would wish to declare that it exists anywhere but in me.
I got back to the office early this morning and found myself longing for my prayer chair.I have an oversized green chair – rather comfortable – that I pray in each morning when I’m here.I knew I needed to be in it this morning before doing anything else.I didn’t read my Bible, peruse a devotional or anything else.I got to my chair and sat still before God.Examining my heart is always first on my list during prayer.Confession and repentance must be employed before petition and intercession can be effective.I struggled in my mind to formulate the right words...distractions sought to enter in...feelings of unworthiness washed over me.Clearly my enemy was sitting in the other chair next to me and he was whispering words of accusation my way.For two-thirds of my prayer time I really toiled.Finally, God’s grace penetrated deeply into my heart/mind and I sensed a breakthrough being given to me.Thanksgiving began to pour forth, the accusations fell silent, the affirmation from Heaven took root and I sensed God’s desire to shepherd me today.It was not that I wondered if He were present, it was that I could not be content resting in my theology of His omnipresence…I wanted that blessed nearness.
I closed my prayers with a grateful ‘Amen’ and before I could get to my feet, I heard a soft female voice declare from across the room, “Virus database has been updated.”No, I was not losing my mind – my antivirus software had completed its weekly download at the precise moment when I was finishing my prayers.Twenty seconds earlier it would have been another distraction.Being right on time, however, I took some encouragement from what she said.I even preached to myself for a minute:
“Jeff, spiritual sickness was seeking to take you over yesterday.You were even vulnerable this morning.God was working to prepare you against all previous threats and to equip you for the vile viruses that will threaten you today.The database is secure – you have what you need!Go on and walk with him in victory and confidence.No weapon formed against you will prosper.Serve Him with gladness!”
It may sound a little odd – but some days you’ll take encouragement wherever you can get it!
